How do you break the sad cycle of life?
Hi,
How does a middle aged person break the cycle of (I don't even know what to call it!)
Say a person always ends up getting in a vicious fight with a family member... He gets attacked verbally and then attacks back 10 times worse! So HE is the one remembered as the bad guy, when in fact the other party started it and is just as guilty!
Say he is always getting unemployed and becomes very unproductive!
Say he always goes back to eating junk food even though he tires to eat right and exercise...
How can this person break the roller coaster cycle of anger, depression, loneliness and more?
Oh, Oh, OH!! I know the answer!!! (i'm jumpin outta my seat!) For real, I've felt this way. I've lived this life...and changed my life. I also know the "text book answer." But, I'm pretty sure you want to know what really works so that's what I'll tell ya about =)
First, all hope is not lost. I know you feel that way right now, cuz I did too. It's like being stuck in a rut, but only worse. Like you wonder how long till you finaly decide you're going to kill yourself cuz you just can't take it anymore. Every day hurts...but you're numb at the same time. You don't want to get out of bed. You find yourself looking around wondering, "How did I end up here, like this? This wasn't my plan and now it's too late to change it."
WRONG. It's never too late.
So, what do you do. HOW do you do it?
You gotta make some choices. It all comes down to choices (and I know you've heard that before).
If you want a better life, make one. I did. For me it took getting good and ticked off. However, I turned my anger around and used it for good (LOL, use your powers for good!!).
When someone says something that floors you, CHOOSE not to respond in anger. You've already proved you can top them with more anger, now prove you can top them with temperment and self control. Ha! Wait till you see the looks on their faces. he he he
When you want that candy bar (and that's a downfall of mine too) don't. Get up and go do something for someone else. Get your mind off of it. Go for a walk, a drive, get outta the house. You'll find the more you do this the more your life opens up...the more friends you have the better your life becomes...you'll start losing weight and not WANT to eat junk food. The more you eat of that stuff the more you crave it. When you're holed up at home you stuff your face with crap. When you're out, you want to look good and you make better choices. Plus it makes you feel better to be out.
Find a hobby. Don't LOL. For real. What have you always wanted to do? Start doing it. Maybe you can't go to the moon, but you can get a telescope and look at the moon. Maybe you don't have the money to fly to tropical places, but you can buy some cheap stuff at the dollar store and turn your front porch/backyard into a kichy and fun tropical getaway everyone will love to come to. Do something fun for YOU. When you do this it will make YOU happy and you're allowed to do that, we forget we're allowed to be happy. It doesn't have to cost a lot in time or money. Set a time and money budget and don't go over it. This alone can change your demeanor in many ways. When you get frustrated with life go do your hobby.
For the people who you argue with...try to see their point of view, even if you don't agree. You don't have to agree. You can agree to disagree (I love that!). There's got to be years of underlying issues that have resulted in this much anger, bitterness and resentment on both sides. However, there is still much love or neither side would bother. Focus on the love, let the rest go. That's your key to getting thru this. Sometimes when ppl love you they try to help. Sometimes when they try to help they do the wrong thing (we've all done it). It's not always easy to get over...just remember however stupid it was, it was done out of love.
Next time there's a fight brewing, you're allowed to stop it. Sit the person or people down and tell them you love them...and that's why you're still around adn you know that's why they are still around. It may not go perfectly, may still end in screaming, but small starts are starts none the less. Speak from your heart. Tell them how you feel...and at teh first conversation you may want to leave out the "you hurt me so bad you rotten witch!!" just keep it to the love, lol =)
Counseling isn't a bad idea either. Think you can't afford it? Some churches offer it free. If the other person/people don't want to go with you then go it alone. There's nothing wrong with that. What you learn will benefit everyone and they won't even know it. When they see the good changes in you it may just change their minds. Counseling isn't about getting your head screwed with...it's about learing new ways of handling things.
I wish you all the best. I really have been there, done that. Life can change for the better. It just takes little choices. And, by the way, you will mess up along the way and call someone a rotten witch, LOL!!! More than once, I promise. But, you get up the next day and start fresh...shake it off.
Take care
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