As humans, we always feel the need to label everything. Especially ourselves. I am this and I am that. I am short, tall, fat, skinny, brown, black, white, legend. Labels help us form an idea around something and thus allow ourselves to believe we have some kind of control. If this is then, then that is that. I am a rap fan, or I am the one that came up with this idea.

And this is a trait we all share. I know I will personally forever dislike White Sox fans, argue why some techniques are better picking up girls and I am proud to tell everyone I am a rapper.

It just makes life easier when we identify with something.

One of the central ideas of buddhism is understanding our relationship with attachment. Every time we label something, we put it in a box. Even saying, I am a buddhist, we already limit ourselves to the prejudices that come with it. Most of the world’s arguments come from people so attached to their “I Am” label that they are willing to die for it. I am this so I am not gonna listen to any of your ideas. I am simply your enemy.  And when this happens, a healthy exchange of ideas just isn’t possible.

So how do we stop this from happening?

As always, usually the simplest answer is the best one.

Sometimes, maybe the best thing is just say, I am.

ps. I am definitely not the one that came up with the “I AM” concept =)

There is no greater feeling than knowing that we can spend most of our time doing whatever we want. Absolutely any kind of information we are seeking is just a Google search, a library book or a person away. All we gotta do is put in the effort and we can pretty much learn whatever we want. Yet once we’ve learned and mastered a skill, one way to help ourselves and others is to teach what we’ve learned.

Constant Repetition Creates Tremendous Force

Everything we teach we learn over and over again! As top performers in any art or sport know, it takes tens of thousands of hours to master anything. 10,000 hours is  the magic number when it comes to the Michael Jordans and John Lennons of the world. So when you teach specific aspects of a skill you are learning to other people, you are reinforcing a certain chunk of your brain.  By helping other people, your helping strengthen your own skill-set.

Adding Value To Other People’s Lives

What better reason to sharpen our skills than to help others! Knowing that what we are learning is gonna help someone achieve their goals is always a great feeling. We each have our own unique view of doing something. When we are able to effectively share these views and methods with other people, everyone becomes a better person because of it.

Leaving A Legacy

Stephen Covey says that the deepest needs a person has is to live, love, learn and leave a legacy. The desire to be remembered is very strong in all of us. Well, what better way to be remembered than knowing that we’ve helped another person’s life be better in someway.

Like Maya Angelou said, “when you learn, teach. When you get, give.” When we share information, there is a feeling of abundance that is felt by everyone involved. Everyone’s life around us becomes better because of it.

painting by Walfrido Garcia

Currently I am rereading When Things Fall Apart by Pema Chodron.  And I’ve realized the general ideas behind buddhism has been guiding me for a better chunk of my life now. It just makes sense to me. I know because I know.

Every religion will have people that claim that theirs is the best. Yet when examined, the simplest and most effective result of any spiritual endeavor is kindness. It is central to every religion. Being kind to others allows us to feel abundant and lets us see with clarity the comedy of our situation. We’re all in this together and that is NEVER gonna change.

We are all simply looking for a connection. Acceptance. Anything to not feel the way we feel. It’s never good enough.So many times we worry about things that aren’t important. How to justify our actions? How can I afford this…. that…. ? Why do I (not) look like that?

We must to choose spend time reminding ourselves that we deserve whatever it is our heart desires. We do this by spending time doing what we love the most. Listening to music that moves us. Meditating. Making Meaningful Connections. Forgiving others. Starting over and over again. Having the courage to finish what we’ve started.

And then we’ll notice things will slowly come together. and then fall apart again. Only to come back together once again. It’s quite a cycle and that is perfectly ok.

Sometimes we have to accept that things will never be the way we want them to be.
Sometimes all we can really do is write, cry, laugh, lie and it is all perfectly ok.
Sometimes we gotta throw away all our old fashion to make way for a new look.
Sometimes, old intentions need to be renewed over and over again.

To stay with the uncertainty. Means we love ourselves enough in order to go on. That deep down we are starting to KNOW it’s gonna be ok. That we find security through the insecurity.

It has to start with ourselves.

Buddhism can be summed up in four truths.

(1) Life is suffering
(2) Holding on to anything IS the cause of suffering
(3) There is a way out of suffering
(4) The eightfold path is the way

The first noble truth states that life is suffering.

Simply being born, we get sick and get old. We fall in debt. Other people go to war with other people. We’re hungry, lonely and frustrated with the way our life is not going. We’re insecure with the way we look and think the validation of another person is the only answer. We fall in and out of love. Over and over again.

Suffering is inevitable and a part of life.

But that’s the beauty of it.

The next time you’re out at a bar or a club, take a good look at the people around you. Guys bravely (and stupidly) attempting to make a connection. Girls putting up defenses to protect their reputation. Everyone playing games to protect their egos that can never be satisfied.

The simple truth is,

everyone feels just as insecure as you do.

That suffering is the one thing we all have in common.

Now we can either continue to suffer

or

smile and help people have a good time.

]]> http://www.rockonova.com/archives/243/feed 4 http://www.rockonova.com/archives/187 http://www.rockonova.com/archives/187#comments Wed, 16 Dec 2009 22:06:42 +0000 Rocky Guloy http://www.rockonova.com/?p=187

One of my favorite spiritual metaphors of all time is The Mountain.

The idea being that the world’s different religions and ideas are many paths you can take to reach the top.

The funny thing is…. it always leads up to the same place!

Introduced to me by the same teacher who showed me The Tao Of Pooh, this idea has helped me be more accepting and compassionate towards all spiritual seekers and their chosen paths.

We really are all headed toward the same thing!

I always get amused seeing people defend their religious beliefs so adamantly. So much conflict because they feel as if their path is the only right path. Yet if you look closely at the core  of every great religion, it always comes down to being grateful and kind to one another. Our relationship with ourselves and other people is the path!  So if we are all headed towards the same thing, there is no right or wrong way to go. Which brings me to my next point….

it is important to help other people

Every journey is a lot more fun when shared with other people. The metaphor of The Mountain is great because it shows how connected we all are. When we can see that we’re all headed towards the same goal,  it’s easier to be compassionate. Also, when we help other people, we can share each other’s maps  and find out new things we have never known about.

And  people might be willing to share some great food too!

When we realize that the paths we choose to take are very similar and  we are all headed towards the same place, we can  learn to enjoy each other’s company more.

so get going!

what is your experience when learning about people’s beliefs?

There is no you, there is no me, there is only us

-Brother Ali

“Rock you should go watch that show The Pickup Artist on VH1.” my bff Christine suggested to me. I did and my life has never been the same since. I remember stumbling upon the pickup community last November and thinking to myself,”WOW! THIS IS AMAZING!” A large group of individuals dedicated to bettering themselves and their ability to connect with other people. This is just too awesome! And ever since I started learning social artistry, I started realizing all the ways being part of a community has helped me become my best self.

Motivation

According to Napoleon Hill , The “Master Mind” may be defined as: “Coordination of knowledge and effort, in a spirit of harmony, between two or more people, for the attainment of a definite purpose.”

Good friends motivate you to be your best self. When you find people who share your goals, it is absolutely the most electric thing.  I am very grateful for all the late night/early morning Subway Debriefing we have where me, HBK and Lake Effect would just go over the night’s events. Laughing (or arguing) about what could have been. I am grateful for the times I see HammerM3 approach a group and makes me want to approach as well. Watching Rolling DJ pull a same night lay, and thinking “I can do that too!” Or reading other people’s stories and thinking , “DAMN!”

Knowledge

There’s always something to learn from everyone. I am grateful for all the times I’ve read a story or a post and think “WOW! That idea is exactly what I need!”  The pickup community is built on the idea that knowledge is suppose to be shared abundantly. We learn from each other’s mistakes and accomplishments.

Memories

Experiences are what bonds us as humans. We want to know that someone has felt the same way we felt. When we can share a pleasant or unpleasant memory with someone or a group, we feel connected. Plus, it’s our friends who can remember the first time we started using opinion openers. “Hey would you rather be in an mtv reality show or a vh1 reality show?” =)

Community is all about connection. When you find the right group, be grateful you have been blessed with such friends. Feeling connected to something bigger than yourself is what life is all about

So for tonight I thought I’d post a story from the weekend. What? You didn’t think this blog was gonna be all self improvement articles, did ya? Here is my field report from last weekend over at Wrigleyville.

A field report is a report of a pua’s experience in the field, a recounting of the details from a night (or day) of sarging, or a specific pickup experience.

(PUA LINGO)

****DISCLAIMER****

As you all know, I am very fond of giving nicknames. When it comes to these field reports, I can really care less about my privacy. I do however respect other people’s privacy. You will never see anyone’s real name here unless I have their permission. You know who you are anyway.

So it was me, Lake Effect, HBK, HammerM3 and KnownSubset. We get into the WrigleyVille BarleyCorn around 10:30, the place was packed with IOWA fans.

Now the most important thing early on in the night is just warmed up. Meaning that I’ll give the people around me some high fives or strike up a conversation so my verbal skills get loosened up. This one guy next to us offered us some “party treats.” No joke I thought he meant  noisemakers, whistles and hats ! Nope…. haha so I start talking to a two set a few feet away. Pretty good conversation. After about 5 minutes, KnownSubset joins us and go on for a few minutes. We eject go upstairs.

Stay upstairs for a bit. None of the sets was really hooking so we decide to bounce to Red Ivy.

Red Ivy IS ALWAYS SUPER PACKED! Geesh…. if you’ve been in there, you know what I mean.

Get to the back of the bar and chill for a bit while we wait up for Bayer.  A few minutes later we see him with two friends. KnownSubset and I go check out the back bar, which I’ve never seen before at Red Ivy. Not too much action there so we decide to hear back to our group.

I spot a friendly looking three set by a table. Do my standard opening routine. Ive been working really hard on remembering names so I was able to recite their names back to them pretty easily. Girls really like that. Bounce em back to our group.

Funny thing is, when I started introduce them, I kept messing up on the names! I must have done that a million times. Thank God the girls were really friendly and thought it was funny! Talked to them for a few minutes, and I decide to go look for HBK and Lake Effect. Go outside and get a text they’re at BarleyCorn.

I go back to Barleycorn and go upstairs. I also have what I like “Being Alone Anxiety” which is whenever I find myself alone at a club, I get really anxious. I definitely gotta do something about this at a later point in time and maybe just go out a few times by myself during the week (i can actually feel my stomach hurting a bit thinking about that).

I see Lake Effect and we talk a bit. Im walking by this two set and this one girl smiles at me.

Of course, I am gonna go in!

I say “hey whats up!”

I notice she’s there hanging on to a guy and her other friend. I acknowledge the guy and go “hey whats up man!” I look at her friend, who is not looking very happy. I start talking to her friend and go “hey you having fun?”

Her friend just gave me that “WTF” look and I just smile. I start teasing her a bit and finally she cracks and smiles too. I notice she has really a thick accent and communication was a bit tough. So my standard set of conversation was not really gonna work here. Dance with her a bit and decide to go outside for some fresh air.

A few minutes later, who do I see a few feet away from us. HBAUSTRIA with her friend and her boyfriend. Walk up to them, “hey your stalking me!”

“I like your accent, where are you from?”

“Austria!”

“Oh ok, lets put another shrimp on the bobbie!!!!”

I don’t think they really got the joke….

It’s ok HBAustria is still really grabby. The three of them go back upstairs and I am talking a bit with Lake Effect and HBK.

I see KnownSubset and we go back upstairs. I see Austria with her two friends and say “hey!” to her again. We start dancing for a bit and I see my chance to isolate.

Now I’ve been working at isolating at clubs cause I still feel very anxious when it comes to this point. I hesitate for a bit (meaning like 3 minutes worth) and finally go to her two friends “Hey I am gonna go borrow your friend for a second!”

“Ok!”  I grab her hand and we go.

Now in my head, Im thinking “FUCK! YEA! but where are we gonna go….shiiieeet” When your gaming, you gotta think fast so I just thought “there’s gonna be an empty booth somewhere up here.” We walk from one side of BarleyCorn, close to the DJ Booth and head to the other side.

We get there, I see no empty booths. Finally I see one to the back left and we head over there. One of the bouncer then goes “This is for bottle reserved.”

NOT GOOD!

haha, shiiieeet. “Now what?”

“Hey you wanna go downstairs?”

“Oh haha, nah I gotta stay up here with my friends….”

“Oh ok.” And we go back to her friends.

Now here is where I really kind of fumble. I asked them what they are doing later, and she said nothing. “Let’s go get something to eat!”

And she said “Oh ok yea!”

But I am still reeling from the adrenaline from the attempted isolation that when I was talking to Lake Effect, I completely lost track of HBAustria. I go to the bathroom, and walk to the bar and do not see HBAustria for the rest of the night.

Lessons Learned

(1) If the interaction doesn’t get off on the right foot, keep walking anyway.

(2) Keep pushing the interaction as far as it can go.

(3) Be consistent in talking to obstacles first before the target. I’ve been focusing on this lately and it’s made such a big difference

(4) ALWAYS GO FOR THE ISOLATION. no matter what.

R O C K O N O V A